2020-06-09 13:56

If there is anything positive to say about the summer of drought we are apparently facing, it would be that it has helped take local conversations away from coronavirus and rioting over racial issues.

If you spend any time around the feed stores or have talked to a rancher, it doesn’t take long to see they have a few wrinkles in their brows over the dry conditions.

“When the cheatgrass heads out at less than three inches tall . . . you know it’s a dry year,” Tiddle Camino said this week. 

The technical name of this noxious weed is Bromus tectorum, known as drooping brome. Know that will not keep it from sticking in your socks and becoming a terrible fire hazard once it cures out.

Another rancher joked he might have to buy hay for the grasshoppers so they won’t try to eat the fence posts.

Locals have been watching spraying operations headquartered at the Johnson County Airport north of town. 

If it seemed like that single-engine spray plane was taking off and landing every few minutes . . . it’s because there are at least three of them.

And they are a lot bigger than you might think. A helicopter is also being used to slow down this infestation of ‘hoppers.

One thing dry years always seem to have in common is big storm clouds that only release a trace of moisture along with a lot of hot winds that can suck the moisture out of the ground.

Meanwhile back down on the Main Drag this week, the Bench Sitters were discussing “smart answers” to dumb questions they have heard. A couple worth repeating were:

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”

The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead...”

 

The patrolman got out of his car as the Colorado resident stopped for doing 104 mph south of Buffalo rolled down his window.

“‘I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the officer said.

The “Greenie” replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.”

When the cop finally stopped laughing, he settled for a 91 mph ticket.

 

And finally you can consider this list of “impossibilities in the world.”

1. You can’t count your hair.

2. You can’t wash your eyes with soap.

3. You can’t breathe when your tongue is out. Put your tongue back in your mouth, sure you can still breathe.

 

And 10 things we know about you.

1. You are reading this.

2. You are human.

3. You can’t say the letter ‘’P’’ without separating your lips.

4. You just attempted to do it. You are an idiot!

6. You are laughing at yourself.

7. You have a smile on your face and you skipped No. 5.

8. You just checked to see if there is a No. 5.

9. You laugh at this because you are a fun loving person and everyone does it too.

10. You are wondering why you took the time to read “Sven” this week.

 

Do not regret growing older. It is a privilege denied to many. Have a great week, and we’ll write again if we don’t dry up and blow away.

SVEN

 

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